I will never forgive you, and I know it. I am really angry that you didn't believe me 7 years ago. It was the truth, you just didn't want it to be, because it would complicate life so much, and you'd have to justify standing by me.

I still act buddy-buddy when you call. I still miss you. When you ask what's wrong with me, I never say it's that I have felt betrayed and estranged from you for 7 years. I never said I was over it or anything, you just assume I don't want to admit I lied, except I didn't, and I haven't forgiven you for not believing. I was the victim there, and you changed me into the unstable, lying, self-centered person in the eyes of the people I loved most. I am not coming home, ever, just to avoid that situation.

I will never recover. Those people will never see me the same way again. I will never feel confident with them again.