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I am madly, hopelessly in love with my married co-worker. It used to be just mad lust, which I was able to kind of dismiss and treat as a fantasy.
Things are changing, unfortunately. I felt like he was out of my league. I figured his wife was most likely gorgeous and sweet and perfect, just like him. I figured that if I were to approach him sexually he would be disgusted and shocked, even though I knew he liked and respected me as a co-worker and a friend.
I feel like the shystiest breed of used-car salesman. At this point I feel like through casual conversation, body language, and other forms of bewitchery I have convinced this man that I am the woman of his dreams. He looks at me like he will go mad if he can't have me. He looks at me like he's completely and totally in mad Googoo Love and he is tortured by it. The chemistry between us is totally insane, but I wonder how much of this is me "selling" myself as this perfect woman. What if he found out what a slob I really am?
We have touched each other all over "accidentally" and have way too much physical contact for casual friendship. He finds any and every excuse to hug me, and I may have accidentally brushed my hand over his ass. I've caught him so many times staring with crazy lust in his eyes. I catch reflections of him in windows and mirrors, staring with agonized longing. I've caught him inhaling my essence, putting his face softly against my hair.
There is such obvious innocence about him. I can't imagine he's ever had an affair. I'm sure his wife is one of few sexual partners he's had in his lifetime. I'm possibly even more innocent than he is in this regard.
I saw a recent picture of his wife and was overjoyed to find that she's not physically attractive at all. I feel guilty that it makes me feel happy that someone isn't as "pretty" as I am. They have a child who he is devoted to. They are even trying for another, which he has made me well aware of. Then an hour later he's rubbing himself on me, flirting and making eyes. I know this is messed up. I know this will only end in disaster and heartbreak.
I would never, ever make a definite move on him. I'm guilty of flirting and messing with his head and some inappropriate bumps and nudges, but I would never actively pursue him or make an obvious advance. If he did so to me, I'm afraid of what the outcome would be. I try to be good and resist him and keep it professional, but I am so incredibly weak around him.
I feel like sometimes I would accept any circumstance in order to be with him. I feel like I will DIE sometimes if I can't be with him, and I see such familiar agony in his gaze when he looks at me. I want him so much. More than I've wanted any man in my life, and I'm approaching middle-age (as is he) so that really says something. I've always been a naturally horny person, but I've never felt such passion for anyone in my life. I wish I could resist him....
comments
14 comments (post a new comment)don't do it. he has a wife, he has a kid, he has a family.
i wonder how much this is in your head.
"He looks at me like he's completely and totally in mad Googoo Love and he is tortured by it."
are you sure he feels the same? or is he just friendly?
Posted by don't be a homewrecker on Monday, 05/21/07 - 1:26pm
Sit down and try to imagine it would be your dad getting it on with another woman and your mum finding out about it... if you change the perspective of your story this guy is maybe not what your looking for after all.
Posted by sandra on Friday, 05/25/07 - 8:34am
Can't believe you are even considering this. Sick. HE HAS A CHILD.
Posted by unbelievable on Monday, 05/28/07 - 4:42pm
i understand...
I think you should talk about it with him, and get it out in the open. At least then you will know if the obsession is one-sided or not.
Just remember how much equal parts pain and joy this intimate exchange gives you. Don't those moments make being alive worth it?
Posted by me, too on Sunday, 06/17/07 - 10:11am
Flirting is fine, but you need to tone it down a notch or twenty.
It may well be all in your head. However, that agonizing passion thing is only fun when it can be fulfilled. You're just torturing him and yourself as well.
Nobody respects a homewrecker, which is what you'd be if you ever did it. I don't think you'd respect yourself, either.
Cool it down. Stay friendly but by all means DON'T be alone with him!
Posted by JustMe on Thursday, 06/21/07 - 12:12am
Whoa.
Narcissic much?
Unless this man is Orpheus or something, your opinion of yourself is unreasonably high.
And hello, don't give in and be one of those family-splitting whores. Thanks.
Posted by ... on Tuesday, 07/3/07 - 4:51pm
Hey, I understand exactly what you're going through. I was there. And I waited for him to make a move. And eventually he did. And that was the most hellish 6 months of my life. I eventually had to leave my job, because his wife found out and would wait for me after work.
I live my life with no regrets, with the exception of this one. I shouldn't have done it. I tell you this to inform you that these things never work out. Not ever. And if he did cheat on his wife with you, what kind of man does that make him?
And to be honest with you, if he's trying for another kid, he may not even be that interested. I hope you make the smart decision.
Posted by Lisa on Wednesday, 07/4/07 - 11:23am
Maybe you should just tell him how you feel? Then choose together what your going to do about it....you will know soon whether it will work or not!
Posted by bt on Sunday, 12/9/07 - 3:37am
go for it, girl! just take the chance! life is for living, & you'll always wonder "what if". just be safe & cautious & discreet, tho.
Posted by do it on Saturday, 02/23/08 - 4:31am
just know that this will not end well if the two of you do anything. but it'll be good and oh-so-worth it in the meantime!!!!!!!!!!!! lol
Posted by won't end well on Tuesday, 04/22/08 - 2:07am
If you see an opening, make your move. Do a little advance planning, though. Think through what you'd do if his wife found out, or if he is in a senior position over you at work, how would that affect your job. You just have to weigh the advantages and disadvantages and decide if a few rides on his shaft would be worth the price you'll have to pay.
Posted by Live A Little on Saturday, 06/21/08 - 4:46pm
I agree with "Live A Little." Just think it through & decide if it's worth it or not in the long run. If he's responding to your 'bumps & nudges,' there is at least SOME interest on his part!
Posted by yeah - live a little on Tuesday, 07/8/08 - 11:57pm
I agree with Live a Little, too! He's obviously at least somewhat interested....
Posted by i agree with Live a Little, too on Thursday, 08/14/08 - 2:44am
I agree with all five posts above.
You just know it's gonna be fantastic the first time he slips inside you.
Just remember, he's NEVER gonna leave his wife for you.
Now, go fuck him harder than he's ever been fucked before. You'll both LOVE it!
Posted by Suck him dry! on Thursday, 08/14/08 - 9:14am