My boyfriend for a Year (this week) broke up with me yesterday.

I can't believe it... he was the second guy I had ever loved...

I think I ticked him off a bit much from hitting him... like... not abusive like that... just little swats at his arm or chest when he said something mean or ignorant...

Once he mentioned it to me I tried to stop doing it as often and succeeded... just not quick enough for him to be satisfied.

And then he just ended it... randomly... by telling one of my friends that we were over... he didn't even tell me!

When I called him... He said "I just don't care anymore. I still want to be friends, though."

Then I asked him to come over to talk about it... and he agreed but never called back.

Seriously... If he wanted to be friends he ended this entirely wrong.

Since he finally admitted to being bi about a month ago I think he just might want a male experience...

I'm glad we didn't lose our virginity to each other.

I'm so glad...

But a part of me wants him back so badly, I want to stick a knife in my chest.

I was so close yesterday..... Really.

I almost locked myself into a garage and let the motor run.

I just need to find something to distract myself.

I'm straightedge and bohemian... but art doesn't really satisfy me anymore...

I can't even turn to singing cause that was something him and I shared.

>_<

Jesus... I can't believe I got so close to him... I guess I believed he wouldn't hurt me... that he was to innocent to... or I just tried to tell myself that.






I was reading suicide bombs here... and I found one of this guy... who'd written his note... and planned it all out... one of the comments was a pleading girl who said:

"Don't Die, I Love You."

That meant so much to me that a stranger would love someone in need.

I love them to.

I feel so close to him.

Closer than anyone I could meet in real life.