I met someone a while back, long story short, he was hiding a girlfriend from me for a long time. I found out and went celibate, telling him he was the only one I wanted and if I couldn't have him I'd rather be alone. He continued calling and we'd chat, he talked like he was my man, so I'd ask him how Liza was... That never ended well and one of us would end the convo.
About a week and a half ago... He called and we had the best, longest talk... He confessed actual feelings for me and I leanred more about him and why he couldn't let her go.
We agreed to see one another, and I told him I love him, but I still wish to remain celibate, since I was on a roll at five and a half months and he was still with her...
To say the least, he didn't respect my wishes...
That alone was bad enough, because I had to decide to avoid the subject completely, or break down and tell someone... I kept it to myself for a few days, one day I went to visit an old roommate and spilled my guts to her friend, a total stranger to me. I felt a little worse after that, better for having told someone, worse because it didn't matter.
The next day I tried calling him, to tell him I felt violated and that I felt it was best for me if I had no contact with him. That he was tearing me apart, and even now that he was through with the mindgames, my own head began to torture me...
My phone didn't work so instead I texted him. I told him:
"I think maybe you were right when you said that maybe it's best if I don't have any contact with you. I'm sorry, I tried calling to at least explain... I'm sorry." He asked what I meant and I said "I thought I could deal with it 'cuz I figured I would be okay as long as I was making you happy. Then I went home and had to be alone again, while you weren't... It hurt too much. I'm really sorry, I'll always have love for you and please believe that I'll be here as long as you want me, but I can't be casual about how I feel. I don't want to upset you... I'll still always think of you with a smile on my face that'll warm my heart. But I can't stop crying and I need to fix me." He texted me back "can u stop texting me" and I knew that I'd hurt him... I left it with "I'm sorry, I'll miss you... so much. I Love You, Boo. Goodbye."
A few days passed and I was in misery...
Here's the real confession...: I think I'm Pregnant.

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6 comments (post a new comment)oh wow i am so sorry for you. that is sad what he texted back. I'm so sorry, may goodness be with you. I am truly sorry.
Posted by caroline on Wednesday, 01/23/08 - 6:52pm
weren't you being celibate?
Posted by lala on Wednesday, 01/23/08 - 11:23pm
you did good. you tried. its not fair if he cant be with just you. so you were right to just cut it off.
about the pregnant thing. if you are, and you decide to keep it. hopefully you can support the baby. you wont be alone anymore. that baby will need so much love.
Posted by sheet on Thursday, 01/24/08 - 5:20am
wait, did he rape you?
Posted by dfdf on Thursday, 01/24/08 - 9:45pm
Did you really apologize to a man who raped you???? Please talk to the police and a therapist right away. And don't EVER apologize to a rapist. Unless by "apologize" you mean "shoot in the fucking crotch".
Posted by Jebus on Tuesday, 02/26/08 - 10:34am
He sounds like a selfish asshole.
Posted by Hmmm on Monday, 10/6/08 - 5:41pm