Home
Post Secret
Browse Secrets
Recent Comments
Random Secret
I was born, unfortunately, with a mental illness.
I was adopted, unfortunately, into an assbackward clan of religious freaks who saw any kind of deviance from the norm as a sin that should be beaten out of a child.
I did my best to fit in [or else] my entire life literally fearing for my life if I didn't do exactly what was expected of me.
Knowing that failure would mean expulsion because there wasn't a day went by that they didn't remind me I could be "sent back".
When I was pushed out the door at 18 I had no coping skills and no idea that I was trying to function in the adult world with a mental illness.
I just assumed that I was a horrible, rotten person who didn't try hard enough. Because that's what my miserable scum sucking adoptive family beat into me.
Now I live in a small apartment alone with my cat and I am afraid to go outside. I have no friends. I have no contact with anyone [including my family which is in fact a good thing]. And I have no hope.
I want to get help but I am afraid. I am afraid to speak to anyone let alone a doctor.
I cannot bring myself to try because I am unable to convince myself the first person I try to get help from won't beat me black and blue... and I'm in my 40's.
I'm tired and I'm old and I know that there is no happy ending for me. I want to find the strength to end it. I wish I could.
comments
3 comments (post a new comment)Find the strength to talk to a doctor. You need help and you still have time to get it. People live into their nineties! That is about 50 years of life you have left to live. You still have a chance to live a healthy, happy life. You need to get help. You need to know happiness in life. I really hope you find the strength to get help from someone. They will understand.
Posted by please get help on Monday, 02/18/08 - 5:55pm
Sometimes, it's not a matter of actually "finding" the strength to go see a doctor but rather a matter of summoning the courage to want to change your life. Don't wait for courage to come along. It's in you... I hope you will get the help you need! I hope for the very best for you!
Posted by someone on Tuesday, 02/19/08 - 12:59am
seriously, im the last person who should give advice, but i think you should live your life. You obviously know what your adoptive family did to you was wrong. Dont let them even be a reason for unhappiness, because if they did this to you, they arent worth it! The world will not beat you. Im not saying its not rough out there, because ive had my share of unhappiness,but everyone deserves some happiness, ecspecially those of us who have suffered.I have a dysfunctional family, and depression, and im scared ,but i want to live my life and you do too. Why should we suffer for other peoples wrongs? You can make your own happy ending if you can figure out what you want and take the first steps. Im rooting for you!!!you deserve a happy ending , never forget that you did nothing wrong ! Good luck!
Posted by simplyme on Monday, 03/17/08 - 1:37am