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Posted On Monday, May 19, 2008
I feel like an emotional train wreck and I don't know what to do. I feel like I don't know what I am doing with my life or where I am going to go. I got so fucked over this weekend..... and I just feel like things are falling apart again. I was so so so unbelievably happy for those two days. Happier then I have been in so long. I really meant it when I said I couldn't stop smiling. It was so perfect. It felt like a dream, and I guess it was, because it kind of fell apart. It was incredible for a little while there. It just felt like things had clicked. It was so perfect, and I am so mad at you for taking it away. I don't know what to do, and I wish I understood why it had to be like this. I feel like it's me, like there is something wrong with me. Fuck, I just want to scream and cry and throw things. I wish I could go back in time to Friday and freeze it. I don't remember the last time I was as happy as I was on Friday.
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3 comments (post a new comment)you have friends that love you, and we will help you get through this, whatever it takes. (this includes getting really drunk, playing ridiculous amounts of cards and wii and perhaps midnight strolls. oh, and watching powerthirst a bunch of times)
Posted by s on Monday, 05/19/08 - 1:05pm
that remids me of that proverb or whatever it is...god grant me the serenity to accept those things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Life is constantly unpredictible, and there is so much that is out of our control, but we always have power over ourselves and how we let others affect us, how we react to how others treat us or percieve you. Do you rely on another to give you your worth, or do you love yourself? As incredibly cliche and 'fluffy' as it may sound I think there is alot of power in that statement....you must love you self before you can love someone else, andto that I will add love someone else, RIGHT! If you secretly loathe yourself and your life and look for acceptance and love and happiness from somewhere outside yourself, you will only manipulate the object of your affection to get what you crave. If you can love yourself, you don't NEED that from outside, and can then get to the task of really giving love, and giving love is reallly recieveing love.
oh gad I am friggin' cheezy, but ya know sometimes the most trite things are the most true. lay it on haters, I already know i am an emo junkie....so lay it on!!!!
Posted by chemical romance on Monday, 05/19/08 - 8:33pm
Thank you sarah, I love you :) You have been such a good friend to me lately :)
Posted by m on Tuesday, 05/20/08 - 12:32am