I know it's wrong but...

I'm a super preppy cheerleader at my junior high school. And I'm in love with an emo boy. I'm depressed because I don't think he will want to have anything to do with a stupid little blonde hollister-wearing cheerleader like me. I didn't like preps either at first and I still don't. I hate who I am. But my three older sisters were all major preps and I had no choice. If I did anything non-preppy they would yell at me. I don't want to be a preppy cheerleader but it was what I was forced to become. When people see me at school they see an annoying little blonde girl who's always smiling and laughing and thinks she's better than everyone else. But inside I'm not laughing. Inside I'm crying. Inside I'm an extremely depressed emo girl. I just do a really good job of hiding it. I hate what society has forced me to become! And I love that guy so fucking much! I've considered quitting cheer and showing the world who I really am but I'm too afraid of being judged. I can't stand the thought of living the rest of my life pretending to be someone I'm not. It's killing me! I HATE being a prep!!! I wish I could rewind time and ignore my sisters and live my REAL life. Maybe if my sisters had never been born I would be with him right now. Instead I'm trapped in this awful life. I write emo poetry everyday and as soon as I'm done I rip it up and throw it away and just cry. I fear that I will always be living a lie.