I love her and I think I helped to ruin her life.

We started chatting online, almost within a few days of her childhood sweetheart getting in touch with her. She drove down to spend a week with him, but after returning soon suspected that he was already sleeping around with someone else, even as she made plans to move there to be with him. I was the shoulder she cried on when she found out... the ass didn't even have the courage to tell her himself, made the other girl do it.

The whole time, we'd been flirting... but I never made a move. She was going to move in with him anyway, even after all this. And if that's what she wanted, I wanted it for her too. She's not only the best friend I've ever had, it would be difficult to deny that she was the only one. So, the weekend before she leaves, I ask to see her. I figure I'll give her a hug, maybe a kiss on the cheek, and we'll do something fun. Before she moves too far away for me to ever see her again.

We just stay at her place, watching movies though. After both of us nod off on the couch, with her in my lap, she invites me to our bed. It's never been like that with anyone. She's young, and tall and drop dead gorgeous. And as much as I think I should feel ashamed, I can't. We weren't careful either. I say goodbye, and a day after I've left, so has she.

A day later, I get a call. She's staying with an aunt. Still talking about moving in with him, if he can convince her that it's over with the other girl. Even as she's telling me she loves me. But he's an ass, and screws up even the few things she's asked of him. Even unemployed old me manages to send her a birthday gift when he sends not so much as a card. She tells me she'll know by then whether our carelessness would be anything more long-term.

She says nothing on her birthday. The day after, I call again and ask her. She says we have nothing to worry about... and tells me once more she loves me. The next day, I hear nothing from a girl that I've talked to every day for months, often hours at a time. This goes on awhile, before I work up the nerve to call her aunt, who needless to say has never heard a word about me. She's moved out, and no one has heard from her since. It's almost 5 months now.

None of her family has heard from her since, none of her friends. I'm not even sure whether I'm going to be a father or not. Or maybe she's dead in a gutter. It's driving me to the brink. I can't sleep, I can't concentrate at work. If she hates me I don't care, I just want to know she's safe, is ok. And if something doesn't change soon, I think I will soon kill myself.