I want him.

I started going out with my ex boyfriend in February. He broke a bone, and I was there for him when he couldnt go out with his friends or play sports. I was a good girlfriend. I baked for him, I texted back, I changed my plans sometimes to be there for him, and i was good at sexual things. Then, he cheated on me. He went and hooked up with another girl. I was so in love with him and he was so upset and like crying so much about it that i forgave him. But i dont think i ever really did. I just wanted him more than i wanted to hate him. He made me promise that i wouldnt do any drugs or drink anymore. After he cheated, i went off the rocket. I didnt tell him, but i smoked, drank, and did x. Then, in the summer before he left for a month long trip, he dumped me. like, DUMPED me. And there was absolutely no warning for me. He went on his trip, and i tried to forget about him. But i couldnt. The nigth before he came back i got wasted and cried for hours to my best friends. The day he came back, i went out to eat with my friends. I ordered my food, and when i get it i also get a text from one of his friends saying he got head on the plane from another girl, and he was hooking up with another girl the whole time he was there. I wanted to scream. He wouldnt talk to me. I thught he didnt want me anymore. My friend told him to get some balls and talk to me, so he finally did. We met up and talked. He thuoght that i was insanely mad at him, and i was, but i wanted him so badly. I was willing to look over his flaws and be his girlfriend again. I told him that i wanted to get back together that day. He said that we should take some time to think about it, especially because now I was abotu to go on a trip. I went on my trip, for 3 weeks, and the night I came home my parents told me that we were moving. I didnt tell him. I didnt talk to him. One night i went out with my friends and i got caught by the police, drunk, hihgh, and shoplifting. My parents almost killed me. they wouldnt allow me to go out, so i coulnt even talk to him. on my last day in the states, they allowed me to go to a friends house. he came over. we were all just talking and then we snuck out at like 3 but my friends mom caught us and flipped out, too. he was outside, telling me that this was our last time to see each other and begging me to go outside. I couldnt, becasue i would get in even more trouble and my friend wouldnt let me. I left the country the next day. Its december and i still think about him every single day. Whats terrible is, and i know i sound concieted, but i am really hot and i have a nice personality. Im not bragging, im just telling you that i know i could get another guy if i wanted to. But i dont. We sometimes talekd, and he would say how much he missed me and how breaking up with me was a huge mistake. Then, one night i told him that i still wasnt over him. He didnt say aything back. We havent talked since. I miss him so much but i pretend that i dont sometimes because im embarassed. I cant wait to go back and visit in the summer just to see him. I want to have sex with him. I want him back. I want him.

Im sorry this was so long if you took the time to read it, thank you.