Mom's Boyfriend Is Scaring Me
Posted On Monday, November 2, 2009
My mom is dating this man she met at work, (Hurray for office relationships, right? So taboo) His name is David and he seemed like a good guy. She recently asked him to move in and frankly, I was happy. The first couple of weeks, all he did was try to please her. He made dinner every week, paid for all his living expenses (can't say that for her last boyfriend), cleaned EVERYTHING, he did everything. To sum it up, he was my mom's dream guy. He's been here for about 6 months now, and recently, he has been acting differently towards me. First it was small stuff that he did... Mom goes to the store and David & I stay home... he leaves the bathroom door open when taking a shower, knowing that I'd have to walk by the b.room to get to my bedroom. A few times, during the night, I've caught him standing in my doorway, watching me sleep. Lately, there have been lots of really innapropriate hugs, touching my butt, accidently grabbing my boobs. He kisses me when I get home from school and the other day, he kissed me on the mouth, and it wasn't a peck either.
Once, I was washing all my bed covers, etc. at one time, and while waiting on the dryer, I went upstairs and laid down in Mom's bed. (I was sick and so I stayed home, and David took the day off too) I fell asleep and when I woke up, David was sleeping next to me under the covers with just boxers on. I could tell he was shirtless because he was laying directly against me with his arm around my stomach. I mean, he hasn't been here that long... I was really weirded out. When I complain, Mom says that I am overreacting, that he is just trying to be fatherly. He gives me weird looks... They aren't the looks my father would have ever given me. I don't know what to do. I mean, its getting worse. He feels the need to hug or touch me all the time for some reason or other. He bursts into the b.room unannounced while I take a shower because... "He has to pee so bad he can't wait." But after he sees me, he just walks out. (And I'm usually humiliated and screaming for Mom... he loses the need to pee) He goes through my dirty laundry for some reason. He drinks wine occasionally. He offers it to me quite often, asking if I'd like to taste it. Am I overreacting or is there a reason to worry? I mean, Mom keeps telling me I'm making this more than it is. But frankly, he's scaring me. And lately, I mean, I'm very disturbed that he continues to act this way, and usually, I walk away when he touches me that way, or does something I decide is innapropriate. But he's been getting mad about that. Mad when I don't allow him to do subtle things like that, and frankly, he's pushy and abrasive about the touching, etc. He's started to get really scary. Sometimes he'll give me one of those looks that Mom insists are fatherly, and he'll start to come towards me, and I almost piss myself each time.
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16 comments (post a new comment)that is called sexual harassment. you need to get some help. if your mom can't see that, she's either blind or a horrible mother. you need to tell someone because what he is doing is definitely NOT ok! you should also blatantly tell him to STOP, and if he retaliates you need to call the police.
Posted by . on Monday, 11/2/09 - 10:34pm
I agree. Don't let it go any further. Assuming it's as serious as you say it is, you need to do something. Sit your mom down and make her take you seriously. And if she doesn't, tell someone who will, be it a teacher, a doctor, police... anyone who isn't just an anonymous name on a message board! Nobody here can help you, so take action!
Posted by Justsomeguy on Monday, 11/2/09 - 11:06pm
He will get worse and he will become more aggressive. Just because your mother is in denial, don't allow yourself to be. Your mother is, quite frankly, being purely stupid. Don't look to her to try to resolve this.
I've met a lot of women in my ER whose daughters were regularly being sexually assaulted by the the husband, father, or "new" boyfriend right under their noses because "Well, he's generally a good guy" or "he pays the bills" or "he takes good care of us" or "he's the sole source of income right now."
If you have an aunt you can stay with and keep in contact with throughout, do so. Unfortunately, the legal system (in some states) won't act unless they actively see his penis or DNA inside you.
Follow the advice of the posters above and don't give him anything he will use as an "excuse" to cuddle up with you such as sleeping in your mom's bed. These things can just invite trouble when in the midst of a true sexual pervert.
Posted by YNN on Monday, 11/2/09 - 11:38pm
I'd put some type of surveillance device in your room to get proof if he is being as forward as you say. I'd advise moving in with a relative or getting legally emancipated.
Posted by Freaky on Tuesday, 11/3/09 - 2:28am
*clapping enthusiatically* Here, here, everybody!
OriginalPoster, I hope you will take heed to these excellent comments left for your advice. My step father did the same thing to me and you have a right to be comfortable in your life rather than scared all the time.
If you can't do anything else you could go to an EmergencyRoom and ask if you could speak with the SANEnurse(Sexual Assualt Nurse Examiner).She could help counsel you regarding all of the above.
Posted by Snappy on Tuesday, 11/3/09 - 9:02am
I would talk to your mom about when it is just the two of you and make it clear that the way he is acting around you is making you more than uncomfortable, but scared to be alone in your own house with the guy! Explain to her that you're her daughter and you should come before any guy that she is dating. You're her child.
Posted by Lexy on Tuesday, 11/3/09 - 11:37am
What are you willing to do? Since he's making you uncomfortable,are you able to turn the tables on him? tell him and your mother if his behavior doesn't stop, you'll be reporting this to the police. Perhaps that scare will stop him. If not, turn to your school counselor, women's center or police department. He is a predator. See if he is listed in a sex offender's site. Guarenteed this is not fatherly behavior. If someone told me this in session, I would report it to child protective services. It doesn't have to go to far to stop it. Are there any other relatives, adults that can help protect you? "Step father' figures are likely candidates to abuse the children. Hope you get through this.
Posted by Therapist on Tuesday, 11/3/09 - 10:13pm
tell the cops!
Posted by polymorph on Friday, 11/6/09 - 8:54pm
Your mom is in denial and needs to get her priorities straight. As for you, you need to make sure it doesn't get any worse than what it is. Turn to the polise or your school if you have to. I don't have experience with what you're going through but I can promise you it's not fatherly behavior.
Posted by pineapple on Saturday, 11/7/09 - 3:59pm
Something like this happened to me when I had just turned 13... It ended up with me waking up to him kissing me and his hand in my pants (He lived with us for almost 3 yrs so he could have been touching me since)... So the next time "david" touches you, your best bet is to get a knife threaten to cut his dick off with it if he even thinks about touching you. Your mother is an idiot, just like mine. From my experience the most she's going to do is kick him out. My molester tried to forget that it even happened and got too close to me. I punched him so hard in the face, I fractured my hand. So no please be strong and let him know what the deal is. I regret not hurting him when I woke up to that... After I told my older cousin, his step daughter, what happened she told me he has touched her and her sister and even raped his own daughter and neice... I want to kill him in the worst way possible, make him suffer like I have for the last 7 yrs...
Posted by ThisIsFamiliar on Thursday, 12/17/09 - 6:14pm
Call him out on it while in the company of a solid male friend who wouldn't hesitate to whip his ass if he gets crazy. If this creep continues, he will rape you. Tell relatives, call police and report it if they won't listen. I guarantee there is not one police officer in this world who would not put a stop to that crap.
I had a friend whose mother's boyfriend was feeling her up. The mother denied it and wouldn't do anything. The relatives dismissed it. She told us about it and one evening as we're talking outside her home, he called her inside and once in the doorway, the sick fuck rubbed her ass.
The next day he got the beat down of his life from five of her friends. He never touched her again and he moved out.
Her mother thanked us saying she just couldn't say anything to him.
Make that bastard go to jail or hell. It's his choice.
Posted by Dan on Saturday, 12/19/09 - 11:03am
He is not your father (a father would not do these things and would protect you from people who do).. he is not even her husband so not a stepfather. I would call 911 on him every single time you feel threatened, and don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't. If they take the phone away from you then go to a safehouse in your area and you will be protected for sure. You are a person, and your opinion is all that matters when it comes to your body. Tell a teacher... tell someone outside of your family EVERY time anything EVER happens. Call a local church... anything. If you go to school you can find a counselor that will take you out of there anytime day or night with just a simple phone call if you feel threatened.
Posted by familyfailed on Monday, 12/28/09 - 7:53pm
If your mom refuses to see the obvious issue here, then you need to take your concern to someone who will listen. THIS IS NOT NORMAL, and no one has the right to make you feel like that, talk to your other family members who can help, and if all else fails talk to a counselor, it might bring conflict between you and your mom for a little but, it sure as hell beats years of therapy and depression if he ever did something, you have to protect yourself if your mom cant, I hope every thing works out for you...good luck
Posted by beenthevictim on Saturday, 01/9/10 - 3:02pm
I think you should just take it. Older men are sexy. Plus, he's more experienced. Trust me, you'll like it. ;D
Posted by PussyCat on Monday, 03/1/10 - 10:44pm
pussy cat you are a fucking idiot and a stupid slut. To the poster RUN GIRL RUN! he will not stop. do NOT take matters into your won hands as the tables can be turned against you if it goes to court. I have seen it happen before. Run away repeatedly if you have then they will put into foster care. Or you can call the police and tell them that you refuse to live in that house under any circumstances. Then they will be forced to place you somewhere else. At least temporarily which might be all the time that you need to get int ouch with family or something like that. In the meantime stay strong
Posted by Court-room veteran on Friday, 09/10/10 - 4:39pm
He's the man of the house, so he has the right. He's only taking what is his, so shut up. You are a fucking child, so SHUT UP and spread your fucking legs, it is your duty. After the cock is inside you, it won't be so bad.
Posted by Herbert on Friday, 09/10/10 - 6:11pm