Random confessions of a pretty shallow degree

So you're scum.So you think this is this place to spill your guts about what a dumbass you are- You should be spilling your guts- to a mental health professional.

You are in desperate need of professional help. Too bad you'll never understand that & get it. It's your life, fuck it up as much as you want.

But even in your tiny little brain you should be able to figure out that what you're doing is destructive to yourself & everyone around you- & have the sense to keep it to yourself- That is unless you want to be told just how fucked up you are. Only a unbalanced person makes the kind of choices you're making & you'll probably end up in jail or in a psych ward- or dead. What a way to live your life- if that can even be considered living- you're self destructing.

Posted by and? on Thursday, 01/28/10 - 6:57pm

I didn't know you had God on direct line with you there. That's amazing- to be able to deliver such an important message to me like that. Actually I AM very aware of how messed up this is. Why else would I be posting it on a confessional? I can promise you that I won't be in jail or a psych ward anytime soon but we all die so, two out of three aint bad. I didn't post expecting applause for my behavior so, judge on. Thanks for throwing stones. We're both better people for it, I'm sure.

Posted by author on Friday, 01/29/10 - 9:01am

It's not exactly throwing stones if you really are messed up. I can safely say that I would never do anything as self destructing and disgusting as you. You really need to get your shit together. We all make mistakes. As for forgiveness get your life straight and you'll live a happier fuller life. A life free of guilt. You'll still sin but not as bad.

Posted by * Moi * on Friday, 01/29/10 - 8:37pm

I try not to tell people things they already know. But a few things, I simply couldn't resist. You will pardon me, won't you? But, I really do wonder what the purpose is for married guy one if he doesn't finish the job off anyway.

I would be remiss if I did not say...
You may look as though you don't need to shoplift, but the hidden cameras everywhere don't discriminate. At some point, someone monitoring will take notice.

The adderall abuse is safer than cocaine, but make no mistake, they both rough-up your heart and brain neurotransmitters. It is already affecting your thought process and behavior detrimentally. Personally, I don't know how you can tolerate the racing heartbeat!

Posted by YNN on Saturday, 01/30/10 - 10:41pm

Let me address a few things first: I take the adderall and I did cocaine for (one of) the same reasons, because, chemically, my body slows down on them, as opposed to speed up. If you really do have a chemical imbalance, the opposite happens than the typical response. I feel normalized to some degree in this state rather than hyped up. As far as the shoplifting, you're right, shame on me. I will get caught one of these days but, it just doesn't seem to stop me when it's so damn easy. The best I can hope for is that I do get caught and it scares me straight. On to the married men situation....I feel little guilt and I know I probably should but.....they're cheating, not me. I don't know what the hell their marriages are like and they owe it to their spouses to keep their vows. It wasn't me who said "I do." I have been in a handful of serious and commited relationships, none of which I have cheated on. I have been cheated on, once that I know of, and found out about it after we had broken up. Instead of stamping the other woman as the "homewrecker" I thought to myself "what a peice of s*** he was. Guess it's good we're not together then."
So, I guess the only thing that truly bothers me about these comments is labeling me as "disgusting." Of course, you are entitled to your opinion but a few things you should know about me:
I always try to be better than I was the day before. I don't ignore my faults and sins, pretending nothing is wrong. I know many who do...respected members of the community that find it their right to judge others when, in reality, they have many secrets and sins. They just happen to hide it well (for a while anyway) so the ridicule goes for those of us that are not pretending they're something they're not.
I also go above and beyond for any friend, or even simple aquiantance to make sure they don't ever feel alone with nowhere to go. Right now, actually, I happen to have an entire family living with me (the ex's sister and her husband and children to be specific) because they were evicted. Not the ideal situation, seeing as how I have a two bedroom condo with a child of my own but that's just me. I've been there and it was the most frightening thing to deal with...not knowing if I could ever find a safe place to be. I DO have a heart, even if my sins overshadow the good sometimes. I also have lost a neice to murder...she was two years old....which led to me starting to do coke to begin with. Bad coping skills? H*ll yes but there is absolutely no handbook out there that teaches you how to ease your pain, you simply learn to live with the chronic ache that they have been so brutally and violently ripped away from you forever. So, instead of trying to work through it in a healthy manner, I buried and suppressed it with drugs. Again, not the way to go but before calling my screwed up life "disgusting" look closer, I may just be doing whatever I can to drudge through another day.
I also have spent hours upon days and years counseling battered women because, unfortunately in our society, so many would rather mind their own business than listen and love someone who, to many others, deserved the abuse because they stayed. What people fail to realize is that these women, including myself, don't "have their shit together" because of a life full of treatment and circumstance that skews reality. Therefore, they don't feel the inner strength nor respect for themselves to leave.
I could go on but I'm not trying to convince you that I'm a saint. I would never fool myself or try to fool anyone else into thinking I am any better than a human being with more problems than solutions. I would just hope that you may take a quick lesson that by calling someone else scum or saying they're disgusting, you really are no better than the next one that refuses to admit that, although people makes bad decisions, that doesn't make them bad people. It's not alright to spew negativity and judgement on them. Did it ever occur to you that that's why people keep so many secrets? Because the truth opens them up to ridicule, rather than compassion. I F*ck up on a daily basis but I also love and sympathize and provide an open heart to help anyone who asks for it.
So, to Moi....How about considering the fact that there may be more than black and white to life. I am wrong for doing what I do but I certainly will not let someone think I am "scum" simply because I'm muddling through that enornmous area of grey in between the black and the white in life you seem to have been fortunate enough to find so much easier than me. All I know for sure is that I navigate the best I know how at this time. I hope God is more forgiving than you.

Thank You.

Posted by marissa on Wednesday, 02/3/10 - 3:22am

Last post was too long didn't read.

So let's start with drugs. Drug abuse is drug abuse doesn't matter what your drug of choice is that's just an excuse. We abuse drugs to medicate bigger issues is all.

Sleeping with married men and being so emotiobeless as to blame them for not finishing the job further shows emotiobal issues.

Shoplifting i can only guess is the same as the rest.. A cry for someone to take intrerest into the strife going on inside.

I can't judge as I'm guilty of all the above but maybe you should realize the fact you posted here means you realize you need change. Also you came back to check it after posting in hopes someone cared. My advice is to seek a conselor or therapist.

Also goddam my n key for being to close to the b keym

Posted by zombeh on Saturday, 02/6/10 - 11:52am

I do know that not everything is black and white but you just said you have a child! You abuse drugs, shop lift and sleep around. Believe me I have my faults ok I have done bad things (never slept around though) but when I got pregnant and had my son I decided to change my life for good. No more drugs or parties or breaking the law. How do you think your behaviour will affect your child? I am actually very forgiving but for me to forgive someone I neeed to see them or at least hear them say that they will change. That they want to change to better themselves and the people around them. Think about your child and what kind of life you want for him and what kind of mother he deserves. You're good deeds are a good thing but they don't make it ok to do the bad things.

Posted by * Moi * on Tuesday, 02/9/10 - 1:52pm